.. someday you died, and then three months later, your husband put a picture of him together with his new girlfriend as profile picture in his Blackberry Messenger. And then he updated his status on Facebook like this:
My life is falling to pieces. You put me together …*
*fill in the blank w/ the girlfriend’s name
And yes my friend, this is a true story. Remember a friend of mine whose wife just died three months ago? Yes, it’s him that I’m writing about here.
Well, actually, before he posted his ‘romantic’ picture with his girlfriend, he had confessed to me that he’s in a relationship with someone. And I thought at that time, no problem with that. It’s his own life and after all, he’s a man. As far as I know, there’s barely any men able to survive living alone after the death of his wife. Moreover, he said that his three-year-old daughter had already asked for a new mom, and “I’m tired of crying and getting stressed, Ra. So I think getting a new girlfriend might help.”
I was like, “Okay sure. Just remember, do not use your new girlfriend as a rebound.”
Things get unbearable when he posted the picture. Yes I know, legally, he has the right to do anything he wants with any girls he likes. Moreover, in Islam, a man can get married straight away after getting divorced or after his wife dies, without having to wait for three months (masa iddah) just like a woman. But for me, what my friend did is just ethically incorrect.
I imagined myself, as his late wife, and it went like this:
“He only needs three months to erase all the memories of us together? He only needs three months to take my picture out of his profile picture in his BBM and change it with his girlfriend’s? He only needs three months to find a pair of new lips to be kissed? He only needs three months to replace me inside his heart, and also perhaps, inside our daughter’s heart?”
And the list went on, and on, and on..
Then it turned out, not only me who thought that way. Some of my friends, especially those who knew his late wife, also think the same, until today. We don’t have any objection on his having a new girlfriend. We just don’t like the idea of how he shows off his new girlfriend to the world.
When I asked hubby about this, he agreed on what I thought (yes!). Then I continued by asking him, “If I die before you, will you remarry or have a new girlfriend as fast as him?”. He simply answered, “I won’t say ‘No, I will never remarry.’ I can’t promise you that, just like you can’t promise me the same thing if I die before you, right? But to remarry or have a new relationship that fast, I don’t think I will. ”
Ah nevermind. Let’s just hope that friend of mine still remember one advice that I told him: “Please find a new mom for your daughter, who loves her just like she loves you, adores her just like she adores you, and will never ever treat her wrong, okay?”
*picture’s taken from here *