End of the Journey

Last night, when I was enjoying my time with Nadira and hubby in front of our TV, a friend gave me a very bad news. My friend’s wife who’s in a coma for about a week passed away at around 9pm. All of a sudden, tears were raining down from my eyes. I sat in silence while hugging Nadira, trying to absorb the news and cherish my moment together with my family, all at one.

When I posted a little note about death,Β lots of my friends (who’re mostly mothers, btw) commented, they felt the same way as I did. It’s hard to imagine our children’s lives without us. Who will take care of them? Will they be well taken care of? Will they miss us, their mothers? Will they remember us? If they have stepmoms, will they experience bad things just like Cinderella or Arie Hanggara? And so on. And so on.

Tadi siang, gue melayat ke rumah duka tempat jenazah istrinya teman gue disemayamkan. I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. And I guess, other people also felt the same way as I did. Gimana nggak? Temen gue berdiri di samping peti mati istrinya dan terlihat hancur banget. Begitu gue peluk, dia bilang “Ra, akhirnya jadi begini Ra” sambil nahan tangis.

On the contrary, di sebelahnya, their three-year-old daughter duduk sambil makan lolipop dengan wajah kalem dan senyum simpul. Tenang banget dia ngeliatin orang satu persatu yang datang, mengucapkan belasungkawa, memegang pipinya kemudian sibuk mencari tisu untuk mengelap air mata dan ingus yang keluar dari hidung masing-masing.

Padahal di rumah duka itu suasananya panas banget, sumpek, crowded and full of strangers. Si anak tetap anteng dan nggak rewel sama sekali. Begitu gue cerita ke hubby via BBM, komennya bikin mata gue basah lagi: “Mungkin juga secara alam bawah sadar si anak sedang ‘mengantar’ ibunya lewat kerelaan seorang anak kecil.”

Mudah-mudahan pendapat hubby benar. Mudah-mudahan dengan ‘kerelaan’ si anak melepas ibunya ke alam baka, arwah si ibu bisa tenang di sana.

*picture’s taken from here *

Ah udah ah, mewek lagi kan😦

Anyway, ini gue sertakan puisi tentang kematian dari Kahlil Gibran. Menurut gue, puisi ini bagus banget karena describing death sebagai sesuatu yang tidak menakutkan. Malah di sini, Gibran meminta keluarga dan kerabat yang ditinggalkan untuk bisa ikhlas dan tidak bersedih. Β 

Just like I wrote today in my twitter account: “I hope someday I could be like the third brother in the Tales of Three Brothers (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) who can greet Death as an old friend, not as an enemy”. Amin.

The Beauty of Death XIV by Khalil Gibran
Part One – The Calling

Let me sleep, for my soul is intoxicated with love and
Let me rest, for my spirit has had its bounty of days and nights;
Light the candles and burn the incense around my bed, and
Scatter leaves of jasmine and roses over my body;
Embalm my hair with frankincense and sprinkle my feet with perfume,
And read what the hand of Death has written on my forehead.

Let me rest in the arms of Slumber, for my open eyes are tired;
Let the silver-stringed lyre quiver and soothe my spirit;
Weave from the harp and lute a veil around my withering heart.

Sing of the past as you behold the dawn of hope in my eyes, for
It’s magic meaning is a soft bed upon which my heart rests.

Dry your tears, my friends, and raise your heads as the flowers
Raise their crowns to greet the dawn.
Look at the bride of Death standing like a column of light
Between my bed and the infinite;
Hold your breath and listen with me to the beckoning rustle of
Her white wings.

Come close and bid me farewell; touch my eyes with smiling lips.
Let the children grasp my hands with soft and rosy fingers;
Let the ages place their veined hands upon my head and bless me;
Let the virgins come close and see the shadow of God in my eyes,
And hear the echo of His will racing with my breath.

Part Two – The Ascending

I have passed a mountain peak and my soul is soaring in the
Firmament of complete and unbound freedom;
I am far, far away, my companions, and the clouds are
Hiding the hills from my eyes.
The valleys are becoming flooded with an ocean of silence, and the
Hands of oblivion are engulfing the roads and the houses;
The prairies and fields are disappearing behind a white specter
That looks like the spring cloud, yellow as the candlelight
And red as the twilight.

The songs of the waves and the hymns of the streams
Are scattered, and the voices of the throngs reduced to silence;
And I can hear naught but the music of Eternity
In exact harmony with the spirit’s desires.
I am cloaked in full whiteness;
I am in comfort; I am in peace.

Part Three – The Remains

Unwrap me from this white linen shroud and clothe me
With leaves of jasmine and lilies;
Take my body from the ivory casket and let it rest
Upon pillows of orange blossoms.
Lament me not, but sing songs of youth and joy;
Shed not tears upon me, but sing of harvest and the winepress;
Utter no sigh of agony, but draw upon my face with your
Finger the symbol of Love and Joy.
Disturb not the air’s tranquility with chanting and requiems,
But let your hearts sing with me the song of Eternal Life;
Mourn me not with apparel of black,
But dress in color and rejoice with me;
Talk not of my departure with sighs in your hearts; close
Your eyes and you will see me with you forevermore.

Place me upon clusters of leaves and
Carry my upon your friendly shoulders and
Walk slowly to the deserted forest.
Take me not to the crowded burying ground lest my slumber
Be disrupted by the rattling of bones and skulls.
Carry me to the cypress woods and dig my grave where violets
And poppies grow not in the other’s shadow;
Let my grave be deep so that the flood will not
Carry my bones to the open valley;
Let my grace be wide, so that the twilight shadows
Will come and sit by me.

Take from me all earthly raiment and place me deep in my
Mother Earth; and place me with care upon my mother’s breast.
Cover me with soft earth, and let each handful be mixed
With seeds of jasmine, lilies and myrtle; and when they
Grow above me, and thrive on my body’s element they will
Breathe the fragrance of my heart into space;
And reveal even to the sun the secret of my peace;
And sail with the breeze and comfort the wayfarer.

Leave me then, friends – leave me and depart on mute feet,
As the silence walks in the deserted valley;
Leave me to God and disperse yourselves slowly, as the almond
And apple blossoms disperse under the vibration of Nisan’s breeze.
Go back to the joy of your dwellings and you will find there
That which Death cannot remove from you and me.
Leave with place, for what you see here is far away in meaning
From the earthly world. Leave me.Β 

35 thoughts on “End of the Journey

  1. Tadi gue baca tuit2 elo Ra, pas lagi dirumah duka. Somehow I imagine, kenapa anak itu demikian manisnya adalah karena jiwa anak2nya yg masih murni ‘melihat’ ibunya masih ada sama dia dan mereka bercakap2 dengan bahasa mereka sendiri dan si ibu berkata: kamu akan baik2 saja, mama pergi duluan ya…

    Hiks.

    Inget Bunda Inong. Waktu pergi anaknya yang kedua umurnya juga baru 3 tahun dan mau ultah besoknya. Dan Bundanya pergi waktu lagi ripuh nyiapin pesta ultah buat Syifa, anaknya.

    Turut berduka cita ya Ra…

    • “Somehow I imagine, kenapa anak itu demikian manisnya adalah karena jiwa anak2nya yg masih murni β€˜melihat’ ibunya masih ada sama dia dan mereka bercakap2 dengan bahasa mereka sendiri dan si ibu berkata: kamu akan baik2 saja, mama pergi duluan ya… “

      Mewek gue Mak baca komenlo ini… Dan gue mau mewek juga inget Bunda Inong. She’s truly my inspiration deh :’)

  2. hix…jadi ikut mbrebes mili Mbak. Insyaallah kalo diikhlaskan, almarhumah benar-benar tenang. anak-anak punya caranya sendiri untuk berduka. dia pasti bakal nanya, dan meski sulit, semoga keluarganya bisa menjelaskan dengan baik.

    pernah sekali hampir pindah “alam”, 3 jam setelah melahirkan. sampai sekarang, suami nggak mau ngomongin soal itu karena bikin dia trauma secara lantai kamar bersalin dah kaya kolam merah.

    • “anak-anak punya caranya sendiri untuk berduka. dia pasti bakal nanya, dan meski sulit, semoga keluarganya bisa menjelaskan dengan baik.”

      Hikss…πŸ˜₯

      Duh Mak untung dirimu sehat walafiat sampe sekarang ya. *hugs*

  3. Ra, dari pertama loe posting ttg istri temen loe itu gw udh mewek bacanya.Almarhumah nyokap pergi ketika gw baru 20m,asli masih belum ngerti sama sekali.

    Dulu pas single jaman blum punya fadly,gw ga terlalu sedih klo inget nyokap. Tapi skrg sejak punya fadly,gw baru tau gmn rasanya,rasa takut seorang ibu ninggalin anaknya tanpa tau bgaimana kehidupan anaknya kelak,bahagia kah? Sejahtera kah?
    Apakah si anak dirawat dgn kasih sayang, apakah si ibu tiri baik,bagaimana dgn sang ayah,peduli kah?

    Postingan loe ini jdi mengingatkan gw akan kenangan nyokap yg cuma gw liat/kenal liwat foto atau cerita. Pasti pas sakit/sebelum meninggal nyokap berpikiran ttg kehidupan gw kelak.Mudah2an fadly dan adiknya ga ngalamin apa yg gw alamin.
    *kirim doa utk nyokap yg ga pernah gw kenal fisiknya*

    • Baca komenlo ini kmrn di email notification, gue yg udah berusaha gak mewek, eh malah mewek parah Sal. Rasanya mau peluk lo deh, supaya kita berdua membal *secara sama-sama montok*

      Peluk erat buat Mamaknya Fadly ah!πŸ™‚

  4. Mba ira, baca ini gw jd inget ponakan gw..
    Hanya bedanya dia ditinggal ayahnya (which is my beloved brother) pas baru berusia 3 bulan. Penyebabnya adalah kecelakaan kerja pada saat tugas di luar negri. Yg bikin kita semua shocked, karena seminggu sebelum musibah, Alm. masih sempat cuti pulang ke tanah air dan meng-akikah-kan baby-nya yg baru lahir. So, itu adalah kali pertama dan terakhir pertemuan si ayah dan anaknya di dunia ini. Ibunya sempet down dan ngerasa hancur banget dan kita sekeluarga sempet ragu apakah si anak bisa bertahan tanpa figur ayah nantinya.
    And the most unforgettable thing happened to me, keesokan malam setelah terjadinya musibah. Dalam keadaan sadar (gak tidur) gw bener2 berasa dibisikin almarhum, dan dia intinya ngingetin gw klo gw gausah khawatir dan sedih, bahwa sesungguhnya ponakan gw dan ibunya sudah dijagain sama اللّهُ SWT. Ketika hal ini gw sampein ke seluruh keluarga, semua meng-amini dan menjadi lebih tenang.
    Sori ya mba ira klo jd kepanjangan komentar dan malah jd cerita pengalamanku, in this case i just want to share that we all surely feel worry with what happen next to the child (who is being left by their parent/s), but i do believe that somehow اللّهُ guide them along the way and make them stronger than we might ever think.

    • “we all surely feel worry with what happen next to the child (who is being left by their parent/s), but i do believe that somehow اللّهُ guide them along the way and make them stronger than we might ever think.”

      Insya Allah ya Mak. Amiin ya Allah amiinn… Thanks for sharing your story Mak. Ikutan sedih juga bacanya tp ikut lega baca endingnya. Semoga keponakanmu baik-baik terus sampai dewasa tanpa kekurangan apapun yaa *hugs*

  5. I’m sorry for your loss. I hope the family of your belated friends can pull themselves together and stay strong. In my family, my parents had prepared me what should I do when they died when I was about 13 years old. My siblings were still very young back then, and my parents travelled a lot so they felt like they should prepared me for the worst possibilities. I used to think that dying young was a good thing, until I got married and planned to have children of my own. Everything I know about death changed and until now I still haven’t found peace with it.

    May your friend’s soul rest in peace. *hugs*πŸ™‚

    • “In my family, my parents had prepared me what should I do when they died when I was about 13 years old. My siblings were still very young back then, and my parents travelled a lot so they felt like they should prepared me for the worst possibilities.”

      Wow, your parents surely think way ahead of average people, rite? I mean, there are not so many parents who’d do the same things as yours did. That’s good example I think. Thumbs up!πŸ™‚

      • Haha, they even told me that they wanted to be crematef and where should I spread the ashes. Now they keep bugging me to draft my will. But I think I’m gonna do the same with my (future) kids.πŸ˜€

  6. dari pertama baca ttg post sebelumnya, saya udah ga bs ngomong kecuali suedih yg luar biasa..plus berfikiran sama gimana kl quin ditinggalkan saat saya kenaap2..dan sekarang?saya tambah ga bs ngomong apa2…mewek akuuuuuu huhu sedihhhhhhh…

    aku jadi ingin buat surat wasiat! huhuhu

      • Ga usah bilang2 misua ah..tar dicibir jugak…heheheh..eh beneran ih jadi punya tekad membulat utk bikin surat begituan..coz aku ga rela cendolku diasuh ama ibu tiri! huwawawawawaaaaaa

      • Ideemmm… Di dalem surat wasiatnya ditulis ya Mak kriteria2 untuk jadi ibu tiri plus harus ada persetujuan guardian (bonyoklo, adik/kakaklo, sahabat-sahabat, dan orang2 yg bisa dipercaya) sebelum suami merit lagi. Wong buat cari baby sitter aja kita sering melakukan waskat (pengawasan melekat) pan? Gimana ibu tiri, coba?

        *percakapan emak-emak parno*

  7. β€œTiap-tiap yang berjiwa akan merasakan mati. Kami akan menguji kamu dengan keburukan dan kebaikan sebagai cobaan (yang sebenar-benarnya). Dan hanya kepada Kamilah kamu dikembalikan.” (QS 21:35)

    Turut berduka ya, Ra….
    Tuhan lebih cinta pdnya….

    ps: ijin link blogmu di wordpressku ya. thks

  8. sedih baca nya mbak..
    awal awal ngelahirin syauqi dulu, aku jg sering takut kalau2 sesuatu terjadi sama aku, trus ntar syauqi gimana?? *mewek*
    trus ibu ku cerita, kalau sejak punya anak, blio selalu minta. “Ya Allah, kalau aku dikasih umur pendek, aku nawar sampai anak2 ku ‘mentas’ (opo yoo artine, dewasa gitu lah kurang lebih) ”
    dan aku pun selalu meminta yang sama…
    huuu huuu… sedih sediih…

    • Sama banget Mbak Puti. Kalo dulu aku selalu berdoa “Ya Allah semoga anakku bla-bla-bla” sekarang aku ganti “semoga aku bisa mendidik anakku spy bla-bla-bla dan diberikan umur panjang supaya bisa mengurusnya hingga ia mandiri”. Bukannya egois karena mendoakan diri sendiri. Tapi ini kan mendoakan diri sendiri supaya bisa mengurus orang lain ya MbakπŸ™‚

  9. Gw jadi inget anak dari ibu2 tetangga gw. anaknya punya anak cewe masih balita….pas jasadnnya sudah di rumah, didoain eh anaknya tau2 manggil “ibu…ibu…bangun” mewek semua orang di sana ….gwpun :((((

    huhuh semoga kita semua (dan anak2 kita) diberi umur, kesehatan dan keselamatan *amin*

    • Ya Allah Nis, hati gue rasanya tercabik-cabik baca soal tetanggalo itu. Gue soalnya kebayang Nadira pasti bakal begitu karena she’s so dependent on me. Wong gue tidur aja suka dia bangunin dengan cara diciumin sambil dipanggil-panggil.😦

  10. mbak ira..my father was passed away be4 i born…so..aku gak pernah liat fisiknya..katanya meninggal pas pulang dari kontrolin mamiku di usia kand,9mo gitu..gak bisa bayangin bgmana hancurnya waktu itu..baru krasa waktu hamil kmaren..gimana kalo aku/hubby yang passed away…(mbrebes mili..)..sampe aku umur 13th my mom as single mother dan saya sampai seumur segitu gak terlalu khilangan sosok ayah(mungkin karena dari awal udah gak ada kali ya..mgkn jg karena deket dgn kakek,brasa ayah gitu..)*kok jadi curcol….

  11. Baca post-annya mbak Ira, jadi inget alm. adikku. Meninggal masih muda 28 tahun, meninggalkan 2 orang anak. Yang pertama baru 2 tahun dan yang kedua baru 2 bulan (Desember 2010). Brought back my sad memory😦

    • Ya Allah… I’m very very sorry to hear that Mak😦

      Anak-anaknya gimana sekarang? Mudah-mudahan sehat, pintar-pintar dan tak kekurangan suatu apapun. Sun sayang dari gue ya *brebes mili*

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